Record Breaking Hound

Thursday 29th January 2015
Purley Arms, Croydon

In the absence of The Hound, who was largeing it on a work/client jolly, four lower-case hounds converged from their various directions and settled in their traditional spot in the continually evolving environs of the Purley Arms. 

The pub's renovation continues apace and new flooring in the 'quiz area' was covered by a new, slightly cramped, seating configuration whilst the bar area was devoid of pretty much any type of flooring.  The walls remain a battleship grey hue with the sole exception of the dark and brooding 'Aubergine' feature wall. Given the arctic conditions outside there was much concern as to whether The Gents had been restored to functionality or whether, as last week, we would be required to ablute in a temporary, portable, facility outside in the rear garden - only one way to find out of course so we set to our task of bladder filling...

Pre-match discussion featured reasons for The Hound's absence, the travails of school parent's evenings and the soon-to-be-upon-us "5 in Five" - especially the realisation that far from being a "5 in Five" it's actually a "6 in Eight" - much to the chagrin of D2.

In the midst of all that the traditional sheet of pictures was delivered, pounds were fumbled for and exchanged and we were off and running with a dozen 'Catchphrase' type images - the word 'cod' next to a picture of a tank = fish tank, that type of thing - of which we were required to correctly identify at least ten.  We were confident we had eleven of them but we couldn't get the last one for figurative love or proverbial money (it was an image of string/rope tied around a pole next to a likeness of Michael Jackson...),* and it was whilst we were struggling for this elusive solution that D2's bladder won the race to become full and he despatched himself to investigate The Gents, returning with the grim news that we were indeed still required to seek out the dark, dank, and literally freezing portacabin khasi.

Round 2 was the traditional 'Current Affairs' - all female investitures, closing supermarkets, First Lady head-coverings, Blue Whales and deceased Greek kaftan wearing warblers.

Between rounds 2 & 3 Mr Green donned his coat and availed himself of the shivery outside facilities and, in his absence, D2 confided in those remaining that the proper Gents was actually fully functional but 'Shhhhhh, don't tell Steve' - a most hilarious jape which played out at least twice further during the evening and was only revealed after last orders - Mr Green taking it with very generous humour considering...

Round 3 was body themed - all incisors, freckles, eyes and thyroid glands (which tangentially prompted a fascinating debate about what the hell the pituitary gland does that's different...) **

Round 4 - connections - Cook, Scarlett, Hook, Scott, Morgan, Phillips, Nemo, Douglas - all Captains

Round 5 - the 10 pointers - August's birthstone?  The two Oscar winning sisters?  The author of the auto-biography 'Tall, Dark & Gruesome'? ***

Round 6 - this week a blessed relief from the traditional, awful, Top Ten round in the form of 'by what name were these people better known?' - Anna Mae Bullock, Nicolas Coppola etc, none of which proved too troubling except for choosing the wrong Charlie Sheen when it was actually Martin...

Round 7 - Jeopardy - there was complete individual and collective confidence on nine out of the ten - as far as the other question was concerned (Until recently which country's flag was plain green?) D2's immediate suggestion was the same as G-Force's but whilst G-Force became more convinced it was right, D2 became increasingly unsure and we found ourselves on the horns of a classic Hound dilemma.  In this instance valour eventually proved the better part of discretion and we went with our instinctive answer of 'Syria'...

Round 8 - music - only one we didn't have a clue on the artist or title, of the remaining nine we got 8.5, although for the life of me I can't think who it was singing 'Street Life' given that it apparently wasn't Randy Crawford...

We got nowhere near the 'bag-of-Minstrels' question so we recharged our glasses, chuckled once more as Mr Green ventured outside unnecessarily and awaited our fate.

122 points secured third place, 125 was good enough for second but there were audible gasps and much metaphorical back-slapping when our winning score of 175, yes one-hundred-and-seventy-five, was revealed.

Beer was supped up, vaping sticks were collected and hounds went in search of buses, trains and kebabs (epic, natch...)


* (k)not Bad

** 'research' suggests the pituitary gland to be the oldest, 'master' gland that effectively controls the other glands, thyroid, adrenal, etc

***  Peridot, Olivia de Havilland and Joan Fontaine, Christopher Lee