The Crazy Hound (with SPECIAL GUESTS:Magic D&R)

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From: peter barnett [mailto:peter-barnett@blueyonder.co.uk]
Sent: 02 July 2010 12:14
To: Holmes, Robin
Subject: Hound Report


Hi Robin,


It was another barmy hot and sunny mid-summer's evening and we ventured to our usual airless and smelly pub, where the open doors provide a combination of smoke and exhaust fumes and the occasional waft of male toilet! Daren did not sit at the usual table, as it was covered with a few old glasses and a half eaten sandwich, which had probably been there since lunchtime.

I arrived at around 6.40pm and Daren kindly offered to buy me a drink. He was quite grumpy; he'd not had a great day at the MoJ. Anyway, we both went to the bar and watched 4 people walking around the bar aimlessly whilst we stood there waiting to be served. Daren now getting more grumpy!! I'm sure it must have been about 10 minutes before somebody noticed that we wanted just one pint of beer!! We got back to our seats and found that our usual table had been cleared, so we moved to our usual place.

Emma had phoned me earlier to say that she would be attending, which was good, because we were a little short on numbers - just Daren and I, with Robin turning up later after yet another run at Epsom. Robin was due to arrive at 9pm. Emma texted me to say ask me if I would be MAD if she didn't attend. I said in my usual effusive text style "No". However, she did turn up about 15 minutes later and we prepared ourselves for the evening ahead. Emma was still voiceless and this was mixed with the odd cough, which has been keeping me awake for the last 2 weeks!

Looking around the pub, the usual teams were arriving and we greeted them. The special needs people were at the bar doing their usual rocking backwards and forwards to any particular song that seem to take their fancy; there was no Bob Marley though! In the corner of my eye I had noticed that the mentalists had decided to enter for the quiz, they had the papers and sat down at a table by the toilet. Then, oh my god, they came and sat by us and asked us if they could join our team. Daren's face was an absolute picture!!

We tried all we could to get rid of them politely, but of course, they were having none of it! Our main excuse for them not joining our team was that Robin would be coming later and we wanted to be on our own. This excuse was indeed a feeble one and they moved their chairs around to make room for the late coming "Wobin".

Having a conversation with these guys was becoming a little stressful; we didn't really know whether to laugh or cry, so Daren went out for a cigarette and the big black mamma kept asking Emma if she'd been to see the Doctor. There were lots and lots of questions from them and one word answers from us. Daren returned to start the quiz and we had to complete the first round with the mentalists. Daren helped them through and wrote down the answers for them, often putting in their first answer irrespective of whether it was right or wrong. The other teams looked at us with a mixture of sympathy and confusion. Daren by this time was starting to lose it, but I reckon he did really well and should consider transferring from the Civil Service to Social Services. I particularly remember one question where we were asked to say whether a female or a male duck quacks. We put down a male and Magic D&R put down female. The correct answer: Female!

Then, Robin arrived and the mentalists really did go mad!!! Of course, poor Robson, sweaty and sticky from his race, had no idea of what had happened and was greeted with a chorus from the mentalists of WOBIN, WOBIN, WOBIN, WOBIN. I just could not stop giggling! The look on Robin's face was again an absolute picture, Emma was trying to be serious and Daren was now in total despair.

We managed to persuade Magic D&R to sit at the next table and do the next round themselves and we (Daren) would try and help them through. We waited anxiously for the first round scores. Magic D&R some how cobbled together 22 points and we made 27 points - I don't think either of these scores were correct, but were in line with Theo's scoring policy of having 3 points in it between most of the teams after the first round.

On to the 2nd round and I think, from my faded memory, that we did reasonably well and we were still in with the leading pack. According to Daren, Magic D&R were just writing down anagrams of the same word during the 2nd round and they then disappeared, much to our relief!

We got to the end of the quiz and Robin correctly got the 1 word anagram answer (ensnared) and we got about 2 or 3 right on the true or false - think we did pretty well on everything else as usual, so we were expecting to come in our usual 3rd place! However, Mr Theo decided that this week it was time for a tie break between 5 of the teams all having achieved 105 points. I remember the question vaguely as being how many people died in a major disaster or accident in a town or city in China. I think the answer was around the 2 million mark. We were miles out with our guess anyway.

It was funny how Magic D&R had not even attended the last round, but according to Theo, Magic D&R made 101 points!!!!! How so? This distressed Daren still further and he was in need of some serious counseling at the end!

Our suggested solution to all this mayhem was to change venue and we have provisionally agreed to attend the quiz at the Cricketers in East Croydon, which is at the same time every Thursday. At least they might have better beer, so that I don't have to keep visiting the toilet on Fridays!