A typical Hound spotted earlier

Sunday, 21 December 2014

(Bah) Humbug Hound

Thursday 18th December
Purley Arms

We lost.

It was terrible.

It was Christmas themed, it was terrible and The Hound was fifth out of seven with the winning score being a meagre 135.

I've lost G-Force's notes (having ripped up my own in disgust at something half way through and flung them to the floor), I can't remember very much of any use, it was terrible and we lost.

The Hound was reduced to a barely quorate three-ball with Hounds, Robson & Green away doing something festively office related that presumably wasn't terrible and didn't involve losing.

The only remotely worthwhile thing I can recall is that with astounding foresight the Green one had, earlier that very afternoon, emailed round the answer to the 'box-of-chocolates' question - this lead to us pretty much having already written it down before the question was finished and then leering at the rest of the pub as they stared at us wondering how the hell we'd added up the number of gifts in the 12 Days of Xmas so damned quickly.  Having said that I can't remember what the sweets were and I've no recollection of having any of them.

Other than that it was terrible.  And we lost.

One last 'quick one', staggering, bus, kebab (epic, natch), sofa, sleep.  Waking after a couple of hours, more kebab, bed.

Terrible.  And we lost.

Monday, 1 December 2014

Belated Hound

Some things are lost and some things are found and some things are meant to remain hidden.

These words sprang to mind when I finally had time to revisit the scribbled notes from the Quiz that took place on 20th November and tried to discern their meaning

I guess I am feeling somewhat akin to how Howard Carter and his fellow Egyptologists must have felt when trying to decipher the the hieroglyphics at Tooting Common

I have in front of me 4 sheets (well 3 3/4ers to be more accurate) of unadultarated, scribbled madness.

Sheet 1 has a large ragged chunk missing but contains the following cryptic entries,
A picture of a 3 eyed dog 
The letters F-A-B-A-C-E-A-E
 the word "Paramaribo".

Sheet 2 is just as intriguing but written in a different ink. In the centre it contains a large £1150 in a box with an arrow . Above this is written the inscription "Alfred Hitchcock's belly-button". Down the right hand side are written the following clues;
Julie's Jewish dogs, in the canteen
Robson's German Fixation
Groove coverage
Lots of Hamsters = Ched Evans
Road Signs

Sheet 3 is less obscure but just as perplexing consisting of T's, F's and X's down the right hand side and ten 4's and nine 2's down the left with an H = 164 underlined in a heavy hand

The Final sheet which may or may not hold the clue to unlocking this devious cipher contains the following:

On one side in large capitals is written the word TWINS whilst on the other is a drawing of a prostrate duck witth the numbers 9 and 10 and the word Rochester written inside it.

I can confidently recall that the Hounnd won that particular quiz and that Steve and Pete were missing, but the rest of it is unfathomable from the materials at hand. Unfortunately, over a week has passed since these events unfolded soI have no chance of dredging any more details up from the murky mists of my febrile mind so we will just have to leave it at that I'm afraid.  

Houndless Opportunities

Purley Arms
Thursday 27th November

Opportunities not taken. No Robson this week. An own goal and a missed sitter deservedly conspired to let in 'Busters' by 3 points. We managed to collectively (a) mishear 'Jane Eyre' as 'Wuthering Heights' worth 10 points, and (b) wrongly recall the German Flag to deny us 14 points in the Jeopardy round having successfully dodged 3 much harder q's. The middle stripe is NOT yellow. I was going to refer to these as schoolboy errors, but to be truthful the schoolboy in question would have to have been at least as drunk as we were.  

Not for the first time being in the Purley Arms felt like being in a parallel universe, one where hoards of females descend drinking large quantities of wine and being intimidatingly loud. It might have been this that prompted Daren to say "My dough has risen", I'm not sure, but it is a matter of record that he did say it. It later transpired that it was scouse Chris's birthday and she decided to celebrate by getting the girls together to do the PA quiz. Fair enough I guess.

It also emerged on the night that a tricky dilemma has presented itself to the Kevster, one that might involve him going on the lash with the Hound, pissing into small receptacles on the M25, not going to the cinema in Nottingham and persuading his Mum to pick him up in a drunken state from one of Surrey's many fine pubs, not necessarily in that order.
 
Scottish flavour to the picture round (it being St Andrew's day at the weekend). Full marks ensued, good get of Rhona Cameron by the Kevster, the other difficult one being correctly guessed as John Logie Baird which I think came up previously in Commonwealth Games week.

Current Affairs handled pretty well considering we all claimed to have being working too hard to look at the News, all right not ALL. Underestimated the auction price of Dooley Wilson's piano from Casablanca, and failed to get something to do with Steff McGovern's accent.

Rd. 3 was on nicknames, including the now mandatory Chelsea question (Chopper Harris), good job it wasn't Rolf Harris, might have got some colourful answers. 10 out of 10 a decent haul.

Connections was varieties of plums/damsons. Definitely a case of plumbing the depths. Had only heard of Victoria so not a lot to go on. I somewhat doubt whether the Hermann Goering variety is a best seller, especially in Germany but there you go. We went for Wagner's ring (Fnaar!).

20 points out of 30 in the next round, see also above. Top Ten was again replaced by True/False round. 16 points for this one. Not much to say about T/F questions.

The Bear traps avoided in the Jeopardy round included the number of yards in a mile, our closest guess was 1756, the answer 1760, (note to Kevster, therefore making the old 440 yds a 1/4 mile and the old hurdles race 1/16th mile). 7 lions on the Royal Standard was another, we would probably have gone lower. 

17 or 18 points on the music round but the damage already done. Debbie seemed very please that we had lost, last time we donate prize money to her causes. 

We have to be more ruthless, or not.

Graham 

Saturday, 15 November 2014

Dib, dib, dib - flop, flop, flop...

Saturday 1st November 2014
The same Scout Hut as six months ago - South Croydon

Almost exactly six months since The Hound victoriously disgraced itself for charity in a Scout Hall in Croydon we were, incredulously, welcomed back for a second punt.

All in all the evening in question was considerably lower key than it's forerunner had been - and rightly, properly and thankfully so.

G-Force, Robson and I gathered briefly in the Purley Arms and left in good time to, this time, go directly to the Scout Hut - pausing only to purchase alcohol and savoury snacks from an off license en route.  We arrived in advance of kick-off and settled in to self-serve booze and fake Wotsits and Frazzles...





In a strange turn of events we were quite possibly the youngest participating team and certainly not the most inebriated - that mantle belonging to one of the only other two regular teams in attendance from the Purley Arms - specifically the one with 'what's-her-name' in it - she was proper trollied...

Anyway, Siobahn (?) eventually got her wiring sorted out and we were off and underway with the questions...



There was a round of 'Dingbats' that served just as a warm-up and not towards the final scores, a joker to play on any round as seen fit and answer sheets sufficient for the first four rounds - Art & Literature, Geography, History & Sport.

We decided against our joker on any/all of these and blundered through as best we could - which wasn't brilliant to be honest (see scoreboard below).  Half time arrived and time for Cub food - we were promised chicken & ham pie with new potatoes, vegetables and gravy - no surprise then that the queue formed rapidly and boisterously...



... see how boisterous that queue is...  The pie/spuds/veg/gravy were followed by spotted dick and custard - not for me though - my body is a temple...


Second half of the quiz was, Food & Drink, TV & Film, General Knowledge and then Music.  Can't remember any of the specifics other than we reserved our Joker for the Gen. Knowl. - the scoreboard below tells the story of our progress much better than I ever could.  We 'jokered' on the General Knowledge round but to no avail.  Salt was then rubbed in Hound wounds with a more or less complete failure to win anything on any of the billions of purchased raffle tickets - hey-ho...



Third place - a thoroughly pleasant evening and most importantly a goodly amount contributed from The Hound towards a worthy cause.  (We were collectively and effusively thanked earlier in the evening for our donation of £50 from the previous week's pub quiz winnings - which was nice.)

We congratulated the winners, supped up our literal beers, collected our metaphorical fags and headed off for our individual 'rows near Slough'.






Adi Dazzling Hound

Thursday 13th November 2014
Purley Arms

Towards the end of your average football season you'll struggle to keep count of the number of times a commentator or pundit ponders aloud as to whether the point(s) from the late snatched draw or win will prove crucial in avoiding relegation and you'll hear almost continual speculation as to whether the goal just scored/conceded could be the goal that wins/loses the Title.  All of which superficial hyperbole is generally taken with suitable amounts of pinched salt and precious little consideration - generally people realise that the equalising goal that earned the point in the third game of the season is just as significant in the season's overall outcome as the penalty save that ensured the win that avoids relegation in the season's last game.

But is it?!  Logically, yes, of course it is.  But can there ever exist circumstances in which the scoring of a specific goal, the achievement of a specific point, are such that its importance becomes of greater significance than logic alone allows?  Hmmmmm...

Towards the end of, what most who were present reported as, another generic week, The Hound gathered to be about its business with sore wounds from last week's most drawn out of sudden death defeats still being collectively nursed.  The Green One's presence was missed and Lord Peterkins was fondly recalled whilst the normal pre match routines were observed.  Regular readers will be aroused to note that pre-quiz conversation topics included;
- D2 being generally out of control on London's tube network and on the floor of a specific tube train, as he wended his sotted way home from Manchester,
- G-Force's young lad being enrolled into The Eagles group within his local Cub Pack (Eagles being deemed preferable to Wolves I think - although I might have remembered that 100% incorrectly...),
- unseemly ablutions being performed decades ago in the back garden of Windsor Davies' house...
- potential songs for inclusion on Robson Hound's latest musical project - a high-tempo, not in anyway 'camp' at all, oh-no-Siree-Bob, Spotify playlist suitable for accompanying him during sweat-soaked, lung-busting, muscle-shredding, gym work-outs...
- the arrival of The Hamsters, foes of old, and ensuing discussions based on Thailand travel
- the brief appearance, as spotted from afar, of a toxic-blue looking drink on the bar *ahem*, AND
- some esoterically fascinating discussion about word oddities - more of which later...***

And then the quiz kicked off.

Round 1 - Dingbats - becoming irritating frankly but nonetheless seen off for a ten out of ten...

Round 2 - Current Affairs - usual frothy tosh - came out of it with 7.5 out of ten which is just about par...

Round 3 - Science & Nature - massively irritating one this - 'the London structure designed as an observancy for the heavens' - at least three of us pondered whether it was the Monument but, having stood at the foot of the Monument only 72 hours earlier - reading the full inscription at its base - I confidently ventured that it was NOT the Monument.  It was.  Of course.  Nine out of ten.

Round 4 - Connection - we knew the answers to the first nine questions - Rita Ora, Gazelle, Franz Beckenbauer, Tobacco, Superstars, Stan Smith, Dragon, Pharrell Williams & Tiger - but what was the connection...?

Round 5 - the three 10 Point questions - we knew who wrote 'The Railway Children' but we didn't know the name of Dustin Hoffman's character in Tootsie OR the country in which Ted Dexter was born...*****

Round 6 - Top Ten - polite words only barely exist to express our collective frustration with this most irritating of rounds.  This week's 'topic' was "Top Ten Car Models of 2014"?!?  As per usual we wrote down more than a dozen options, argued about almost all of them, crossed out at least two that would've eventually scored us points and settled for what we hoped/assumed would be our traditional seven out of ten...  The other frustrating element of this round is the rapidity with which the correct answers are eventually disclosed - they're rattled off and none of us are ever really sure what we got right and what we didn't.  I've Googled around it and it seems like the 'definitive' ten is; Fiesta, Focus, Corsa, Golf, Astra, Qashqui, Polo, (Audi) A3, (Fiat) 500 and (BMW) 3 series.  In D2's defence he had said A3 and 3 Series and, to be similarly fair to myself, I had said Polo and 'that Nissan with the daft name that looks like a small 4x4'...  Pfffff - whatever - we got something around six out of ten.

Round 7 - Jeopardy - we knew that one wrong answer would completely do for us but we also felt that we needed the extra points available for getting them all right - as the individual questions rolled by we were increasingly confident and, rightly or wrongly, we decided to submit answers for all ten...

Round 8 - Music - 'standard' but not quite 'textbook' - lack of familiarity with the works of Sam Smith and Tommy Edwards let us down specifically - things are a bit vague by now but something like 17 out of 20...

The evening's quotient of controversy was then added to with the always strangely important 'first-correct-answer-wins' question for the bag of sweets/chocolates.  This week's was for a bag of Minstrels and the question was 'St. Helier is the capital of which country?'  Robson Hound had positioned himself advantageously for speedy submission of our answer but then we fatally dithered - St Helier is the capital of Jersey but Jersey isn't a country - PANIC - submit the answer 'Jersey' anyway and find that whilst (allegedly) correct we got it in too late...  Pffffffff...

And so to the results...

After last week's dead-heat and subsequent tie-breaker disappointment The Hound was mighty relieved to have won it by one point - we got 148, the runners-up therefore 147.

And so back to my opening theme...

Last week was lost on a tie-breaker question - or was it actually lost on an incorrect answer to a much less superficially significant, earlier, question?  And this week was won by a single point - begging the question, were any of the single points we scored more important than the others?  I still say that logically, nope, none of our answers were more important than the other but, BUT, when the only person in the ENTIRE PUB who knows that the connection to all the answers of round 4 is that they're all Adidas Trainer brands and he (D2) is on your side then, given the absolute obscurity of that knowledge gem, I have to conclude that sometimes some answers/points are more significant than others.


*** - 'word oddities'; (answers to be given in the comments section)
- what are the longest words that can be played on a musical instrument?
- what is the longest word whose letters are arranged in reverse alphabetical order?
- what is the longest word whose letters are alternating consonants and vowels?
- what is the shortest word to feature all five vowels in alphabetical order?
- what is the longest word to feature only one vowel?
- what is the only English word with four consecutive pairs of double letters?
- which two words (18 letters long) are the longest examples of anagrams of each other?!

All the answers to the above, and plenty more, can be found here;
http://www.rinkworks.com/words/oddities.shtml



***** - Dustin Hoffman's character - Dorothy and Ted Dexter was born in Italy

postscript
As ever, the traditional, EPIC, kebab was procured en route home and enjoyed immediately upon arrival...